Our family has been in major transition.

A few months ago, we moved 1,200 miles away from our 15-acre farm in rural Tennessee to the bustling pace of city life in metro central Florida.

As if that wasn’t enough change, I also began working for a company that now takes me away from home all day except for lunch hour. Previously I worked in my office at my home and was accessible to my wife and children throughout the day.

These factors have brought major change to our family, created stress, and challenged my marriage and family.

Without going into details, let me just say that this period of transition has given me many opportunities to practice what I preach as a family dad.

Do I really put my family above my work? Am I really willing to put hobbies, ministry, and pretty much everything else below family with my schedule? Is my marriage really worth the effort?

And these questions truly are a big part of the core message I’ve been sharing for over 4 years now. A message to prioritize our wife and our family. A message to take proactive leadership of our family. A message to be strategic, and not just reactive. Nor passive.

For me in this new season, it means spending time with my family in the mornings, eating breakfast together before work, being with my children as they do their morning chores before school. And having conversation together as a family.

It means taking walks with my wife in the evenings. Taking her out for dinner regularly to just spend time together as a couple and let her “unload” without the kids around.

It means reading Scripture together as a family at nights. Helping with getting the younger kids to bed. Talking with my older kids about their day — and listening. And verbally blessing my wife and children.

How about you, fellow dad? Any transition happening in your life? Any adjustments you need to make to your schedule and actions?

It’s so easy for us dads to just get “wrapped up” in work and other stuff. But our wives are more “fragile” than we men are and can only put up with so much from us.

And we only have a window of time to shape our children during their childhood while they are still home living with us. We only get one shot with our massive influence as fathers.

I want to do it right, don’t you?

Have you ever been at a place in your marriage where you and your wife were not lined up in your priorities? Maybe you wanted to focus on items 1, 3, and 5, but she thought items 2, 4, and 6 should be given higher priority.

This can quickly begin a cycle of strife and stress that will not be resolved until root issues causing the division are dealt with.

Much marriage division is the result of DI-vision. That is, two visions. My vision is different from my spouse’s vision. I see things from one perspective, and she sees them from another. I place greater importance on certain things, while she places higher importance on others.

I have found that talking things through, thinking aloud together, and trying not to be overly defensive with “my position” can help. I need to share *why* I feel a certain way about a matter, while my wife tries to see things from my perspective. And she needs to share while I listen and try to see things from her perspective.

Even doing this may not resolve differences in one conversation, but then again it might. And it’s worth doing.

We also need to pray and seek Divine guidance in the areas of our division.

There may be fears, insecurities, or other areas of sin that need to be confessed and corrected.

It may help to get together with another couple we both respect and share with them the challenges we are facing in our marriage.

Finally, we husbands are instructed to honor our wives:

“You husbands live with [your wives] according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman, as to the weaker vessel…” -I Peter 3:7

If your marriage is challenging right now, is there any way in which you are not honoring your wife? Are you giving her the value that is due her as a woman and as a more fragile vessel?

Blessings on your marriage,
Joey

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As a dad, I have found that one of the greatest temptations is to provide FOR my family at the expense of time WITH them.

It is so easy to do. Especially if this was modeled to us by our own father.

As men, we have a tendency to connect our identity with such things as our income, our career, our financial status, and our material possessions.

And so we work… and work… and work.

I once had a high-stress, high-responsibility job where my ongoing intention was to “make it up to my family” by spending time with them at night, on the weekends, and on vacations.

But I was often exhausted from long days at the office with its accompanying pressures and stress.

The result was that my family really didn’t get much of their dad — even when he was physically present.

Either I had to make changes, or else I would lose my family.

Children who don’t get time with their dad inevitably look to other people and ways to find meaning, identity, love, and validation. And slowly but surely, their hearts turn away from their dad — one day at a time.

The same is true for our wives.

This is a reality some dads never discover, or else not before significant relational damage is done.

Ultimately we have to ask ourselves: Which is more important, my work or my family?

Let me encourage you to always be very conscious of this temptation of providing FOR your family at the expense of time WITH them. You are irreplaceable to your family. They love you and need you — every day.

Remember — it is the little, daily choices we make that will make the difference.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads.com

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Parents are called and uniquely designed to disciple their children — not outsource this responsibility and priviledge to local churches or youth groups. Do you know the specific discipleship process Jesus used and how to apply it to your children? Learn More about Disciple Like Jesus For Parents