One night during the Thanksgiving holidays, my 6-year-old son was up late. His older brother and sister had already gone to bed and he was still wide awake, which is unusual for him because he’s usually the first one asleep.

Sensing an opportunity to spend some quality one-on-one time with him, I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me to see the moon and stars.

Bundling up in our coats and gloves, we ventured out into the cold, crisp night air with no agenda other than just to chat, walk, and take in the night sky together — which he loved.

As we walked, my son would talk about something and then ask “Right Dad?” to which I casually answered “uh-huh” not really considering his questions carefully. After this went on 3 or 4 times, it occurred to me that I might be saying “right” to something that may not have been right.

So I began listening to him more carefully.

The “Right Dad?” question must have come up at least ten more times during our walk. I wasn’t counting, but I began to notice that my son’s “Right Dad?” questions were really not so much about whether he was right or not about a certain thing, but more importantly…

He was wanting AFFIRMATION, VALIDATION, and ACCEPTANCE from the most powerful man in his life… his dad.

Basically, he was looking for my approval of him — that he was “valid” or “approved” or “accepted” by me.

In his booklet You Have What It Takes, best-selling author John Eldredge says every boy is asking the same basic question in his heart: Do I have what it takes? He wants to prove himself to his dad. He wants to impress him. He wants to be loved and accepted by his father. He is looking to his father for gender identity.

This is how God designed it. For us dads to bestow this upon our sons. No one on earth is more powerful in our sons lives than we are as their dads.

It’s something I need to be reminded of regularly. And maybe this little story will help remind you too… Right Dad?

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Founder, FamilyDads.com

P.S. – It’s almost too late to get a Christmas Cross Light for your front yard or a To Bethlehem board game for your family to have fun together during the holidays. Also, we’ve listed some of our best-selling Christmas gift items that are on sale right now at DadResources.com.

Did you see the outcome of Proposition 8 on the California ballot last week?

52.3% of the voters told their state government that marriage in California should remain consistent with thousands of years of civilization’s history… between a man and a woman.

Not surprisingly, this has stirred up a hornet’s nest of opposition, protesting, and new legal challenges from those who want homosexuality to be legally endorsed.

So what does this have to do with us family dads?

Actually, a lot.

Perhaps most important is a reminder of the masculine love our sons need from us as their dad, and the wounds that can go deep into their soul when they do not receive it from us.

In John Eldredge’s wildly popular book, Wild At Heart, which he wrote to help men heal from the wounds of our past and discover the secret of our souls, he says that what is missing in the hearts of those who are homosexual is masculine love, but the problem is that they’ve sexualized it.

Eldredge references Joseph Nicolosi who says that homosexuality is an attempt to repair the wound by filling it with masculinity, either the masculine love that was missing or the masculine strength many men feel they do not possess.

Sons can carry deep wounds in their hearts from fathers through our hurtful words, our neglect, abandonment, abuse, lack of attention and affirmation, our workaholism, our failure to validate their own masculinity…

All of which communicates to them… “I as your father do not love you. I am not proud of you. You are not worth my time, attention, and resources.”

Let me encourage you today, dad, to express your love to your son often. Affirm him. Encourage him. Spend time with him.

Even if he is difficult to love.

Teach him by your example and your words what it means to be a man — a man who loves God, loves his family, and loves people.

He desperately craves your masculine love.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads

PS – If you have not read Wild At Heart, it has excellent insights for us men and is highly recommended. It’s on sale right now at www.DadResources.com

I just created a new webpage of a video interview with John Eldredge that I highly recommend all men watch. Click here to watch. In this interview, John talks about several critical areas that we dads need to hear:

- The two fundamental questions every little boy is asking his dad

- The two core needs of every daughter that her daddy can meet

- Healing from the wounds we received from our own father

- The power a father has in the lives of his children

- God wants to be our father

- How to build true masculinity in your son

- The stages of a man’s life as illustrated by men in scripture

John is a New York Times best-selling author, speaker, and counselor. He is well-known for his popular books Wild At Heart, Way of The Wild Heart, and You Have What It Takes.

     

Your purchase of these books at www.DadResources.com
provides direct financial support to FamilyDads so we can reach more dads
with these critical messages of fatherhood.

by Joey Watkins, Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Tom and Jeff are two dads I meet with regularly. Tom and I live across town from one another and our children are about the same ages. We have common beliefs and convictions about many aspects of life, and when our two families get together, we typically spend hours talking, praying, and enjoying each other’s company.

Jeff is another friend of mine whom I’ve known since high school. He lives about an hour’s drive away, and we intentionally meet for lunch about once a month and catch up on each other’s lives, families, work, and other matters on our hearts.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to have guy friends in your life whom you meet with regularly. Not just casual friendships to discuss your favorite sports or hobbies, but close friends with whom you can honestly share your challenges, concerns, struggles, and life stories.

Friends who not only encourage you and give their input into your life, but whom YOU also encourage and are a blessing to.

“Iron sharpens iron; so a man enlightens the face of his friend.” -Proverbs 27:17

Maintaining close friendships with other dads can be tough. It’s challenging to fit that quality time into your busy schedule month after month. It requires a resolve to maintain the friendship even when inconvenient. And we men don’t typically value relationships as highly as women do because we are wired more for performance and activity than relating.

But we MUST do it. Meet with at least two other dads regularly. If you don’t know any, pray and ask God to bring two to three men into your life in the near future whom you can develop close friendships with. And then watch carefully to see who He brings.

Don’t be an isolated dad. It’s too difficult to do life that way. And your children don’t need to see that modeled by their father. Even Jesus had Peter, James, and John as close friends.