Last week I was with two of my kids at their favorite spot down in our woods which has a tree that blew over and is laying on its side in the shape of a rainbow.

At about 5 feet off the ground at its highest point, this “rainbow tree” as we’ve named it makes a perfect athletic challenge for my kids who love to climb on it.

My eight-year-old son made his way to the highest part of the sideways trunk and proudly asked me…. “Dad, is this dangerous?”

Without hesitation, I *almost* replied… “No, not really. It’s not that high.”

But then, I had a slight impression to mentally probe a little deeper into the motive behind his question. What was he really asking me?

“Dad, am **I** dangerous?” “Dad, do I have what it takes to be a man?” “Dad, as my father, as the man I most look up to, respect, and admire at this stage of my life, do you affirm me?”

Before me was an opportunity to either casually ignore my son’s inquisition about his growth toward manhood, or to build him up in it.

“Yes, son. That IS dangerous. Be careful!” came out of my mouth instead.

And so, with a smile back at me, my son continued to conquer the sideways rainbow tree, beaming at the thought of how “dangerous” he was. In a good way.

Application for me as a dad: Always consider my words when interacting with my children. Never be flippant in my responses to them. Sometimes, probably more often than not, there is more “below the surface” to their questions. When giving answers, look for ways to affirm, validate, and communicate to my children that I love them deeply and respect them as individuals.

For daughters, the questions may come out more like… “Am I pretty?” “Can you spend time with me?” “Can we do something together?” For she is looking for affirmation from her father of both her outward AND inward beauty. And she wants to know that you treasure her and desire to pursue relationship with her.

And remember… this applies to our children at any age.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
a fellow Family Dad

PS – One of the most impactful interviews I’ve ever heard on this topic of validating our sons and daughters as their fathers was this video interview with John Eldredge. It’s a MUST-WATCH!

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One night during the Thanksgiving holidays, my 6-year-old son was up late. His older brother and sister had already gone to bed and he was still wide awake, which is unusual for him because he’s usually the first one asleep.

Sensing an opportunity to spend some quality one-on-one time with him, I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk with me to see the moon and stars.

Bundling up in our coats and gloves, we ventured out into the cold, crisp night air with no agenda other than just to chat, walk, and take in the night sky together — which he loved.

As we walked, my son would talk about something and then ask “Right Dad?” to which I casually answered “uh-huh” not really considering his questions carefully. After this went on 3 or 4 times, it occurred to me that I might be saying “right” to something that may not have been right.

So I began listening to him more carefully.

The “Right Dad?” question must have come up at least ten more times during our walk. I wasn’t counting, but I began to notice that my son’s “Right Dad?” questions were really not so much about whether he was right or not about a certain thing, but more importantly…

He was wanting AFFIRMATION, VALIDATION, and ACCEPTANCE from the most powerful man in his life… his dad.

Basically, he was looking for my approval of him — that he was “valid” or “approved” or “accepted” by me.

In his booklet You Have What It Takes, best-selling author John Eldredge says every boy is asking the same basic question in his heart: Do I have what it takes? He wants to prove himself to his dad. He wants to impress him. He wants to be loved and accepted by his father. He is looking to his father for gender identity.

This is how God designed it. For us dads to bestow this upon our sons. No one on earth is more powerful in our sons lives than we are as their dads.

It’s something I need to be reminded of regularly. And maybe this little story will help remind you too… Right Dad?

Blessings to you and your family,

Joey Watkins

Founder, FamilyDads.com

P.S. – It’s almost too late to get a Christmas Cross Light for your front yard or a To Bethlehem board game for your family to have fun together during the holidays. Also, we’ve listed some of our best-selling Christmas gift items that are on sale right now at DadResources.com.

Did you see the outcome of Proposition 8 on the California ballot last week?

52.3% of the voters told their state government that marriage in California should remain consistent with thousands of years of civilization’s history… between a man and a woman.

Not surprisingly, this has stirred up a hornet’s nest of opposition, protesting, and new legal challenges from those who want homosexuality to be legally endorsed.

So what does this have to do with us family dads?

Actually, a lot.

Perhaps most important is a reminder of the masculine love our sons need from us as their dad, and the wounds that can go deep into their soul when they do not receive it from us.

In John Eldredge’s wildly popular book, Wild At Heart, which he wrote to help men heal from the wounds of our past and discover the secret of our souls, he says that what is missing in the hearts of those who are homosexual is masculine love, but the problem is that they’ve sexualized it.

Eldredge references Joseph Nicolosi who says that homosexuality is an attempt to repair the wound by filling it with masculinity, either the masculine love that was missing or the masculine strength many men feel they do not possess.

Sons can carry deep wounds in their hearts from fathers through our hurtful words, our neglect, abandonment, abuse, lack of attention and affirmation, our workaholism, our failure to validate their own masculinity…

All of which communicates to them… “I as your father do not love you. I am not proud of you. You are not worth my time, attention, and resources.”

Let me encourage you today, dad, to express your love to your son often. Affirm him. Encourage him. Spend time with him.

Even if he is difficult to love.

Teach him by your example and your words what it means to be a man — a man who loves God, loves his family, and loves people.

He desperately craves your masculine love.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Founder, FamilyDads

PS – If you have not read Wild At Heart, it has excellent insights for us men and is highly recommended. It’s on sale right now at www.DadResources.com