A long-time FamilyDads subscriber named Steve recently emailed me a story that may challenge and encourage you today:

Steve worked as a a graphic designer/art director for the past 15 years at a top notch firm in Seattle. He was blessed to work in a field that he enjoys and that always presented new challenges, working with tiny start-ups all the way to bigger national clients, doing projects like logos, posters, web sites, packaging, advertising, merchandising and even some video.

But there was a problem.

Steve’s job was VERY demanding, and he was tied to an office away from his family most of the week. His wife was feeling very isolated from her husband, raising the kids and running the home without his input or leadership much of the time. And their marriage wasn’t doing so well either.

Steve and I emailed back and forth about this.

After much prayer and discussion with his wife, Steve took a very courageous step. He gave notice to his employer that he would be leaving his very secure, well-paying job. This happened last year in 2010 by the way… not the rosiest of times in our economy.

I reconnected with Steve recently and asked him how things were going with his work, and more importantly his family.

Steve spent a short time freelancing after leaving his job. Then, an old client asked him to take a position at their company that is a leader in their industry.

Today Steve drives to an office very close to his home, is able to eat lunch with his family every day, enjoys 3-day weekends, and has much less work-related stress.

His marriage and his family are doing much better too. In Steve’s words, “God has really provided for our family in a way that I hadn’t anticipated. My connection with my wife has been better than it ever has in our 16 years of marriage. Wished I had acted sooner.”

That’s what keeps many of us dads from stepping up for our family. Fear of lack of provision. But Scripture tells us…

“Trust in YHUH with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all Your Ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” -Prov 3:5-6

We must trust our Heavenly Father for our provision — not our work. He will make our paths straight as we trust Him with all our hearts. That doesn’t mean we just quit a job we don’t like, but that we are led by Him and trust Him, rather than the false security of money.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey, a fellow Family Dad

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Have you ever been at a place in your marriage where you and your wife were not lined up in your priorities? Maybe you wanted to focus on items 1, 3, and 5, but she thought items 2, 4, and 6 should be given higher priority.

This can quickly begin a cycle of strife and stress that will not be resolved until root issues causing the division are dealt with.

Much marriage division is the result of DI-vision. That is, two visions. My vision is different from my spouse’s vision. I see things from one perspective, and she sees them from another. I place greater importance on certain things, while she places higher importance on others.

I have found that talking things through, thinking aloud together, and trying not to be overly defensive with “my position” can help. I need to share *why* I feel a certain way about a matter, while my wife tries to see things from my perspective. And she needs to share while I listen and try to see things from her perspective.

Even doing this may not resolve differences in one conversation, but then again it might. And it’s worth doing.

We also need to pray and seek Divine guidance in the areas of our division.

There may be fears, insecurities, or other areas of sin that need to be confessed and corrected.

It may help to get together with another couple we both respect and share with them the challenges we are facing in our marriage.

Finally, we husbands are instructed to honor our wives:

“You husbands live with [your wives] according to knowledge, giving honor to the woman, as to the weaker vessel…” -I Peter 3:7

If your marriage is challenging right now, is there any way in which you are not honoring your wife? Are you giving her the value that is due her as a woman and as a more fragile vessel?

Blessings on your marriage,
Joey

Improve Your Marriage While You Drive – See our Top Recommended Marriage Audiobook

Is it just me or has April been extremely busy for you too?

Maybe its because I always procrastinate and do my taxes just before the deadline. Or maybe because my wife’s birthday is in April and birthdays are significant planning celebrations in our family. Or maybe because its spring gardening season and we’ve planted our biggest garden ever. Or maybe because our little newborn has been helping me appreciate the value of sleep these past few weeks.

But in all this dad’s busy-ness, I have to confess that I’ve neglected something very important:

** Spending one-on-one time with my wife. **

She needs this more often than I typically realize.

She needs me to be with her at times without the kids clamoring around.

She needs regular doses of my undivided attention, looking her in the eyes, and engaging in ongoing meaningful conversation.

She needs my affection. In a purely affectionate, tender way.

She needs me to spend time praying together with her. And discussing her spiritual walk and mine.

I see where I’ve dropped the ball with my wife, so I’m doing something about it… starting tonight.

I’m picking her up at 4:30pm sharp and the rest of the day is blocked off just for her. And I’m putting this on my schedule for the weeks ahead.

How about your marriage?

Is your wife needing “more of you?”

Your marriage is the second most important aspect in your life — second only to your relationship with your Creator. It’s more important than your work. It’s more important that your church involvement, your “ministry” endeavors, your charity efforts, your hobbies, and also more important than your kids!

Yes, it really is. So let’s continue to keep our wives a top priority.

“Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your fleeting life…” Eccl 9:9

Recommended Marriage Resources For Dads
Love and War by John Eldredge and Stasi Eldredge
Two Fleas and No Dog by Craig Hill
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggeriches
Walking Worthy As A Husband by Norm Wakefield

Last week was crazy busy for me.  But as I think about it, for most of us dads, every week is super busy, wouldn’t you agree?

And being a super busy dad is one of the gravest dangers to our families.

Something about being super busy, especially with our work, makes us feel productive, successful, a sense of accomplishment, purposeful.

To us, that is.

But not in the eyes of our children.

On more than one occassion, I am sad to admit that I have heard my oldest son scolding his younger sister or brother for interrupting when I’m busy working at my desk.

“Dad’s busy. Leave him alone.”

Oh how those words have cut to my heart like a knife. If there is one thing I don’t want my children to have memories of their father is that he was too busy for them.

If we are too busy with work to spend loads of time with our wife and children every week, then we are too busy — no excuses.

And the fallout down the road will be painful. Our spouse and children will look to other people or other things to fill the void that a husband and father’s love was meant for.

You are the only person on this earth that can meet that deep need your wife and children have. The need for their husband/father’s love expressed through his time with them.

Like a broken record, I will repeat it again…

We must show our love to our family by the time we personally spend interacting with each of them. Each week.

So from one super busy dad to another, let something go at work until next week. Keep one more thing “not crossed off” on your to-do list.

And go spend some more time with your wife and children.

You won’t regret it.

Blessings to you and your family,
Joey Watkins
Host of FamilyDads.com

P.S. – Having to practice what I preach, I spent several hours yesterday afternoon in the large field behind our house picking wild mushrooms the size of potatoes and having a “war” throwing them long distances at my children. Each time one hit the ground, my kids burst out laughing at the explosion it made. We followed that up with throwing a frisbee together for quite a while. They loved our time together, and so did this dad!

P.P.S. – What did you think about the US mid-term election results? Will we see more pro-family legislation in the months ahead?  Post your comments at our FamilyDads Facebook page.

In my family, we have 4 very active children, a fifth one on the way, a family-run business, a ministry, a mini-farm, and we homeschool.

Finding time to spend alone with my wife is a bit, um… challenging.

Yet I know for an absolute fact that the times I take her out on dates and give her my complete, undivided attention mean more to her — and to our marriage — than almost anything else I could do.

I know this because she has told me so… more than once.

All the flowers, chocolate, jewelry, movies, or anything else I “buy” for her don’t even come close to the love she feels from me when I simply give her my time and focused attention. It makes her feel valued and cherished by me.

One of our best dates was exactly like this. Here are my wife’s own words:

“This is what I can tell you from my heart. I will always remember our date on a cold winter night.”

“Rather than getting desert at the restaurant and rushing off to see a movie, our going to the quiet, empty eating area of a local supermarket was one of the best dates I’ve ever had with you.”

“It was so much better than any flowers or anything you personally could have bought me.  With your work at such a hectic pace in your life, it was like you took the time to stop and focus on me.”

“More than anything, what I really long for is your time and focused attention. I wasn’t sure what you were slipping out of your pocket with a pen in your hand. I thought you were going to share another one of your entrepreneurial ideas or business strategies.”

“It was the coolest thing for you to actually start asking me personal questions.  It was as though my heart began to melt and by the end of our date night I was laughing and holding your hand.”

“One of my favorite books that you own is the my wife journal.  Thank you for keeping it in a private place and guarding what I shared with you. Thank you for making our time together conversational and when I asked you the same questions, thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.”

“Thank you for dazzling me with something more beautiful than diamonds and much more significant than flowers!”

I can’t tell you enough how much my wife appreciated this date. I hope this encourages you in your marriage to set regular times to stop and give your wife your undivided attention and conversation.

(The book she mentioned is called My Wife Journal and is highly recommend no matter how long you’ve been married.)

Abundant blessings,

Joey, FamilyDads.com host